“What if you were your own best lover?” was the question I pondered this morning as I walked through my cold apartment this morning. As black women we are often encouraged to care and love others in a kind of self sacrificial kind of way. It has been my experience that it is easy to meet my lovers with a kind of unconditional type of love. The number of offensives can accumulate easily without a willingness to cause harm or dismissal. Yet, such grace is challenging to offer to myself. Why is it that my internal dialogue can be so harsh? Whether the issue is regarding disappointment with my career advancement, financial choices, or lack of motivation in maintaining a fitness goal my internal critic is merciless with the insults.
It is at this point that I hold my heart. Just like I would for my best lover. I would care about my immediate emotional well-being. I grab the moment and breath. I try to breath in love and radical acceptance for the wonder of this life and the my own journey.
This act of holding my own heart was necessary today as I judged myself for not having completed the dissertation and for having received a low balance notification alart regarding my checking account. I want to transition into another space in my career which completing my degree would allow. However, insults and internal diatribes hasn’t exactly been a fruitful path. And so I held my heart. Took a deep breath and sweet talked myself in to some tangible action toward my goal. I went for a run and then had a seat. I read with a sense of accomplishment.
That’s it Love yourself like your best lover. . .it will give you a sense of accomplishment.